A long weekend

Well, I seemed to make it through the weekend unharmed. Surprisingly, there were no dramas or last minute changes. It was an intense weekend and I am much wiser now…

R

On Friday I met R for dinner at a local Chinese that he recommended. It was the first time we met for something other than kinky sex. He’s a really nice guy. He also has a boyfriend he sees during the weekends. When we meet we usually chat about an hour but we always end up doing what we meet for. However Friday that was different. We mostly spoke about clothes, P and M, his boyfriend and some problems he has with him, I hope he can resolve them and I was of some comfort; it’s always good to have someone to talk to.

M

After him I met M in Soho as planned. We spent a couple of hours there before going back home where we quickly went to sleep. After all he had just had a long working session till 12… but I knew there was something troubling him.

In the morning we had a very enlightening conversation over breakfast. It seems he does already have a boyfriend, someone a couple of years younger than him and who happens to be one of his English teachers. But he wants to have me as a boyfriend too. He told me his other boyfriend wouldn’t know about me because he was like children (sic), but he felt he could tell me because I wasn’t and would be able to handle it.

Well, I can. A week ago he was talking about wanting to have a boyfriend and suggesting I should be his – no mention of the other one. At the time I was worried that he was going too quick into something I am still not sure I want – a monogamous relationship. A week later he completely surprised me! But now I am even more comfortable seeing him. I know what he wants and it suits me. I also get what I want and I have no need to hide that I see other people too, which after a schedule like last weekend is a relief.

Then a while after breakfast he left and I got ready to see P in the afternoon, but I’ll get to P later. On Sunday I met M again in the afternoon, we had coffee, dinner and then went home. The bad news is I didn’t get my Thai massage, he was tired but still offered to do it, but I declined; now I know I have time.

It was strange and at the same time liberating talking to him after his confession. We did talk briefly about his boyfriend and I talked about P, although not too much. He now calls me his boyfriend and I am comfortable with it. Although I wouldn’t use that term… he’s really a fuck buddy with who I also do romantic stuff, I guess it’s somewhere in the middle.

I won’t see him for three weeks as I’ll be abroad during the weekends when he would be free. I’ll miss him. He’s got many things I like, he’s sweet but he knows what he wants and will push to get it, he is upfront with what he wants, he’s also sexy and very sexual. I was even comfortable to let him see I have a few bondage movies because I knew he wouldn’t be shocked either – he wasn’t.

P

As I posted last week I met P on Saturday for Taste of London. It was a nice day out trying different foods and spending a few hours with him. Then we went home and he stayed until about one on Sunday so I had a few hours before meeting M…

P is so different to M. Where M is direct, P is all mysterious. I still don’t know what he wants from me. Shortly before he left I decided to simply ask directly. But he basically told me it was very embarrassing and told me he’d give me an answer. On Monday he did, well, kind of didn’t. He answered something else and avoided an actual answer but didn’t rule out anything.

I think he’s going the long slow way, one small step at a time. He’s also turned a bit more prudish. I guess that’s OK but my worry is that when you go that way you generally want to end up on a committed and closed relationship and I still can’t figure out what I want.

I keep playing along because I have an urge to see him. He’s still my favourite and the one that takes priority over all the others. But I don’t want to stop seeing the others. Maybe I’m not quite falling in love, maybe his slow pace is somehow making me more interested, maybe it’s the challenge that attracts me. Maybe I want it all.

On Monday afternoon he texted me and suggested coming over for the night again. So he did. That means in the last 7 days he spent 3 nights home. To me that sounds like someone who’s interested. He even asked to come home Tuesday night, he was going to be somewhere close visiting a birthday friend, but I was at the opera and he left his friend too early to hang around for me to get home. Shame.

So I keep walking down the road with P, although I don’t know where it’s leading me but in the meantime I am quite enjoying the scenery.