Always on my mind

As you will have seen from my last posts I’ve been rather busy dating people. And yet H is always in my mind. The picture he gave me for my birthday with both of us in is still next to my bed. And rather than taking it off all I’ve actually thought of framing it a couple of times.

After his visit before Christmas we were both coping better than the previous time. But there have been a few times when it’s obvious he hasn’t really had such a good time. It is now about a month since he left and I can still detect he’s trying to get over it and that saddens me.

I wish things were different and the circumstances allowed us to be together but they’re not and I must be realistic. I can neither let go completely nor do any progress with him.

This week, despite how busy it was, I was still feeling lonely some times, wishing it was him who I was seeing and who would spend the night with me, every day.
I don’t know when I’ll see him again, and I am also not sure whether that is a good idea. For all I miss him, I am afraid of him getting hurt and that’s the last thing I want.

Is S a strong new candidate?

On Thursday I finally met S. We’d agreed to meet during my time in Spain but hadn’t had the time to meet before. S parents are from Hong Kong but he was born in Canada from where he moved a few months ago. He’s  25yo.

The plan was to have a coffee but I suggested we could always have some food too. He took up the offer and we went for dinner in Soho.

He actually looked better than on his profile. We had a great dinner chatting away. I quite like O Satsuma but I always forget how noisy it is, not really the place to take a date to.

After dinner we both clearly wanted to continue so we went for hot chocolate at a nearby café. There we kept chatting until they closed the place. Then we walked to the tube station and said goodbye but I got the impression he didn’t want to say goodbye.

Next day I texted him to say hi and told him how much I enjoyed the evening. He replied and suggested meeting again during the weekend. That’s quite quick, barely 2 days after our first meeting.

Need to see when, I’m meeting a new guy on Saturday evening and I really ought to see M but something tells me he may need to wait a bit longer. I felt quite well with S so I am keen to see where things go from here. He definitely has a lot of potential.

3rd date with HR

I’ve met HR twice lately. I already told you about the first date after Xmas when we went to the cinema. I was supposed to go with J to see Australia but since his came back from holidays he’s been rather busy with his boyfriend and unreliable meeting up, so in the end we didn’t go to see the film. So I texted HR, he’s always going to the cinema.

He was busy but we agreed to see the film on Wednesday. I’ve been thinking about the two of us and have concluded he’d make a good friend but I don’t think anything else is going to come out of it. He still seems rather interested but I’m just not feeling anything special and don’t think I will.

So although I won’t discard some more intimate occasions with him I’ll try to leave it just as friends, maybe fb but that’s all. I need to be careful, he did have a bit of baggage and I worry he may get too interested and possibly hurt.

So on our third date we went to the cinema, and completely reversing the 3rd date rule, this was the first one we didn’t have sex. I hope I’ll keep seeing him and (probably)won’t be suggesting to go back together, but of course if he does… well, I don’t think I’ll be able to say no.

Meeting L again

I got free tickets for a pre-screening of Milk on Tuesday thanks to Stonewall and I invited L to come. We met in Soho where we bought a little sex toy I won’t tell you about. Then we headed for the cinema. The film is pretty good; the story is so relevant and Sean Penn is excellent in the role so I would recommend everyone to go.

After the movie we had dinner at a restaurant where we had a long chat about alls sorts of things, I learnt a lot about him during that time.

Afterwards we headed back to the tube to go home. He was going to take a bus home but came down to the station with me to say goodbye. We kept talking a bit and then he asked me a range of questions about how to get to my place, what transport there was back… and finally whether I wanted him to come with me.

It came as  bit of a surprise, we did have sex once before but all the other times he’s been quite shy and he apparently can’t really sleep in someone else’s bed so I wasn’t expecting him to come.

To be honest, it wasn’t in my plans, this week I was having three dates in three days and thought I ought to rest a bit. But I couldn’t say no of course. In the end he decided to come home. We had a bottle of wine and ended up in bed. Afterwards he went back home.

For me L is still very much a candidate for boyfriend. He’s got a lot of positive points and not much I can call negative at all. We’re also very compatible in bed, and we share a common “special interest”.

I do feel attracted for him, but it’s not that strong. So I’m sort of waiting to see how things go. He could well be the one but then I’m not sure I’ll feel enough for him to make that step… we’ll have to wait and see.

Old dates, new dates and latest dates

OK, been a busy couple of weeks so I thought a summary was due, I promise to continue my Thailand holiday posts next week but in the meantime here go some posts with the last week’s dates.

B

All week I had been doubting whether I wanted to go out or do anything at all on Saturday. I couldn’t make up my mind until the afternoon when I felt like doing something. So I texted a couple of people I had promised to meet. B could make it. He is British Chinese and 25yo. His body picture on his profile seemed quite promising too, and I have to admit that was 80% of the reason I was meeting him.

We were going to meet for coffee, but then that got delayed and became dinner in Chinatown. He didn’t really look like on his profile, to start he was supposed to be my same height, but he was clearly shorter and he looked a lot geekier than on his profile with his glasses on. But hey, I was just planning to have a dinner and I was quite sure he was a nice guy, after all we’d been chatting for a while.

I have to admit I was a bit quiet during the dinner, was feeling a bit tired and not that attracted to him but he was nice company. After dinner he wanted to have drink so we went to Profile for a while where I actually saw and said hi to P.
I have to admit I let him do all the work, lead the conversation, decide where to go… I was feeling a bit passive really and not that interested so I didn’t mind that being noticed.

After a while it was time to go home. I was thinking we’d go in separate ways but as we were getting to the bus stop he asked if I wanted to watch a DVD in his place. I was feeling tired and didn’t really feel like going to someone’s place, so my answer wasn’t very enthusiastic. So he suggested coming to mine. So despite me thinking it may not be such a good idea I thought a bit of sex could be welcome.

We started watching the movie and soon he started to get closer. The movie I had wasn’t very good (15 if you’re wondering) so soon our clothes started to come off. Well, that was a surprise, behind that geeky look he had a really fit and defined  body… so after all it was worth it. We had a good time, he seemed to like it a bit rough and showed some dominating signs, I think this guy may yet have some surprises in store…

In the morning he left in a bit of a rush, apparently he had to do some present shopping and I really didn’t mind. He messaged later and wants to meet again. We’re meeting again on Wednesday for dinner, but right now I’m not really interested in more than friendship and occasional sex with him.

Hunter gatherers

Some time ago I read an excellent book by Jared Diamond called “Guns, Germs and Steel”. In it the author describes how different societies in different geographical locations evolved in different ways from being simple hunter gatherers to become sedentary thanks to agriculture to become successful.

Now, you may be wondering, what’s all this about? Well, it’s an analogy I’ve thought about many times before when looking at dating strategies.

A few years ago the rule was going out, and if you were lucky you may pick up someone and you’d take it from there. Just like hunter gatherers used to do. Now, in the same way the internet has made it possible for one to become more like a farmer.

You sit in front of the computer looking at people’s profiles, select the ones you think are the best and start sending messages, hearts, winks or anything that’s available. Just like planting seeds, some of those may come back, with time and care you’ll chat with them, find more about them and some of those seeds may end up growing and flowering ready for you to pick up the fruits.

If the analogy works then doing it this way should be a far more effective way. Although not without effort!

I’ve always been quite bad at pulling at bars or clubs. I’m too shy to go and talk to people I think are good looking, so I tend to rely on others to come to me, which reduces my chances significantly. If I look back at my dates during the last year they are overwhelmingly from dating sites.

There are of course some exceptions, I met AN at Kudos, M and H at G-A-Y Late while a friend introduced me to HR on his wedding. Otherwise they all came from some site, including the people I met on my recent trip to Asia.

I had quite some free time over Christmas so I was a good farmer and planted lots of seeds, took care of them and now my problem is being able to find time for everybody without overdoing it.

Whether this method will be successful in finding a boyfriend is a different matter. After all, each of them is also a farmer clicking on people’s profiles and potentially spoilt with choice or at least wondering if someone better may just be a few clicks away.

100 Posts!

Wow, WordPress is telling me I already have 100 posts (this being the 1o1th)!

I started in November 2006 and so many things have changed… At the time I was living with my then boyfriend of about 9 years, shortly after we split up and since then my world has changed radically.

Started as a guy in a long term relationship, the end of it, my dating “holiday”, the start of my dating after 10 years… and now a “rice queen” dating more people than I should.

The content of this blog has also changed dramatically. Originally it was supposed to be about lifestyle; from movies to underwear or anything else. These days I hardly post anything other than updates on my last date and how my relationship with some of those dates evolves.

But the main point of this post is to thank everybody that has been reading my blog during this time. Special thanks to those of you that have added your comments or sent me emails. Please, keep sending comments/emails!

And since I couldn’t make the 100th post without a picture, here is a video with a few of them in the style of those I have posted during the last year.

Another prospect

While I was in Spain spending Christmas with my family I had a lot of spare time… and I spent a lot of it online. The result was quite a few people that I agreed to meet at some point. Probably too many to be practical.

One of them was F, a 23yo Chinese guy. He looked cute in his pictures but although he seemed interested he also seemed a bit dry so I wasn’t sure if anything would come out of it. Then a couple of days after New Year he sent me a message telling me he saw me on New Year’s Eve but didn’t dare to come to talk to me…

So we chatted a bit more and agreed to meet. He was at the end of a flu/cold so we had to wait a bit, when he was feeling sufficiently well we met for dinner. I took him to a Malaysian restaurant that TJ had recommended.

He turned out to look a bit different from his pictures, I mean it surely it’s him but somehow looks a bit different. He’s still cute. Just a bit spotty and could do with a few mints but that may have had to do with his cold, or I hope.

Anyway, we got on fine. He’s seems quite nice, educated, with a job in retail at a designer brand. So we talked about meeting again. He will be leaving soon to go to HK for Chinese New Year so we don’t have much time before that.

He’s looking for a boyfriend but if that doesn’t work friends would be fine. He may well be boyfriend material, it’s early to say but I’m planning to see him a few more times to see how it goes.

We agreed to meet again last Saturday after leaving work to come home for dinner and a movie. In the end he couldn’t make it, too tired, but we agreed to meet for lunch the next day in Soho with the possibility of him coming home afterwards.

We had a really late lunch at a new Italian restaurant in Wardour Street. He seemed to love it, I thought he was clearly overrating it, the décor is quite nice but the food was just average.

Then we had coffee at Café Amato. At some point we talked about what to have for dinner and I offered to cook for him. He accepted.

We had dinner and then watched a DVD movie before going into bed.

He seems keen to meet again and has been talking about a few things we could be doing in the future. Talking in future terms is always a good sign. So we’ll see how this one goes.

It’s all getting a bit complicated. I also need to see how L goes and then there’s this guy that’s coming for a month to London plus a few people I have agreed to meet at some point…

I wonder if meeting all these people means I will never pay enough attention to that someone that could be the one, I seem to rely on the fact that when I meet him, I will know very quickly.

Second date with HR

It’s been awhile since I met HR last time. I’d been planning to catch up with both him and L for a while but my holidays and their travel meant it couldn’t happen for a while.

So the other weekend I was on my own, J is still on holidays and I didn’t feel like going out with AN so I was planning for something simple. I ended up meeting a guy from GayRomeo for coffee and at the same time sent a tentative hello message to HR. He wasn’t doing anything that evening so I suggested we could go to the cinema, I just didn’t feel like spending Saturday night at home on my own.

Surprisingly he agreed to meet very last minute so after I told my date I was meeting some friends from Germany (my earlier excuse for not having time for anything other than a coffee) and met HR. We went to see a movie and then went to Bar Italia for coffee, or in my case hot chocolate.

We had a couple of drinks and chatted all the time. We got on quite well but I’m not feeling like I’m going to feel sufficiently attracted to him to consider him a potential boyfriend. At the end we walked towards the bus stop and I asked if we wanted to come over. He wasn’t sure but we got on the first bus as we both were starting on the same direction.

In the end he decided to come all the way home where we spent the night.
He’s been texting lately but I think I’ve pretty much made up my mind, he could be a nice friend but probably that’s it. I could continue having sex with him but I get the impression he may want something more than that so it may be a dangerous route to take after all.

I still need to figure out what could happen with L, still need to catch up with him and discuss some things that we’ve talked about already. Don’t worry, it will all be revealed… or some things at least.

The intermittent boyfriend

You may remember I mentioned H was coming for a few days for a pre-Christmas holiday break. Well, he did.

He arrived on a Wednesday evening and left on the Sunday a bit before I travelled to Spain. We had some great days together. Since I was working that week for most of the days I only saw him in the evenings and mornings before rushing off to the office.

It was nice, the first time anyone has stayed for multiple days (and slept with me). Just like if he was my boyfriend. But unfortunately it was just a few days. We had dinners in town or at home, chatted a lot and cuddled even more. But this time we were both very careful after the emotional turmoil last time, so we tried to be as romantic as possible without forgetting he’d be leaving again and we would remain just friends.

One day we went out with a few friends. I was very keen for J to meet him. He’s probably my best friend these days so I really felt the need to get them to know each other. It was also J’s new boyfriend’s birthday so we had a good time all together.

It’s lucky that this time we didn’t have the same emotional problems as last time. We’ve been a lot more careful with each other and tried not to over-do it, keeping in touch but at a slower pace.

The next day after I came back from Thailand it was my birthday and I got a letter from H. He’d told me he would do it already so I was looking forward. It contained and hand written short letter and a card that he made himself, in the outside a golden heart, in the inside a picture he took of both of us together in bed cuddling the day I was leaving Oslo. It’s been on my bedside since then, I often look at it when I go to sleep and when I wake up in the morning and wish things were different.

I still feel so lucky I met him, and at the same time so unlucky because we can’t be together.

But of course, I also do hide it when someone comes around to spend the night. After all, I need to be realistic.