Feeling lonely in the crowd

I’ve been feeling lonely lately. Which some people seem to find puzzling given my agenda. But it is true.

I’ll post about last weekend, but I’ll advance it was a really busy one, I was hardly alone during the whole weekend, day or night. And yet somehow I ended the weekend feeling empty and lonely.

Because of a number of reasons I’ve been seeing dates a lot more often than friends. Not out of preference. It was good catching up with J over dinner yesterday. Since he’s got a boyfriend is rare the occasion I get some one on one time with him. We do speak on the phone pretty much every day though but nothing can replace talking to a friend in person.

I’m seeing two, maybe three people that I think could develop into something. Yet when I was feeling lonely today I was wishing I was cuddling D.

You don’t know D, I haven’t introduced you to him yet, although I mentioned him in my last post.

One of the reasons I was thinking of him, instead of one of the three, is that I tell him all about my dates. What does it have to do? Well, he lives away and therefore there’s no chance he could be me boyfriend, and yet he’s someone I would certainly have in my bed, or anywhere else for that matter. Which means I don’t have to worry about whether I am creating the right impression, whether things are moving forward or backward, how soon should we meet again to make sure we keep things moving, reading every sign, analysing every response for clues… dating is indeed tiring.

I wish I were able to simply relax and enjoy.