My posts have been quite scarce lately, so when I was going to write a bit about my relationship I realised that I’d be missing so much background. So I thought I’d bring you up to speed a bit.
Two posts ago I was writing about my initials doubts about JF and how as the relationship was progressing I had entirely settled into monogamy – something some readers doubted would either be possible or even a good idea!
The fact is that after a slow start I completely fell for him. And our relationship has been growing from strength to strength continuously. Well, except when we’ve had a couple of crisis…
The early ones always came down to JF being unsure about how I felt. I guess he picked up some of my early doubts which then were emphasized by some of my habits, like still going online to have a look around and exchange some messages with people I’d been chatting with or even new ones.
I have already mentioned I no longer was interested in anything further than friendships but that certainly didn’t make JF comfortable. Neither did my interest in nude photography (as a photographer).
In addition, I know a few of my currents friends from having dated them. I never hid that from JF, I didn’t want him to find out later that I had slept with some of them. And that didn’t seem to make him any more comfortable either. But I couldn’t just replace my friends simply because at some point in time I may have slept with them!
I never liked anonymous sex. A gay sauna is something I had only been with my ex and we always excluded everyone else. For us it was just either convenient at the time or simply a more exciting place than home, we had no intention to add any third parties.
So my sexual partners were mostly people I had chatted with for a while, had drinks/dinners first and then maybe had sex. So if I didn’t like someone’s personality I wouldn’t get to the sex phase. No surprise then some of them became my friends later on…
On the other side JF was different, for him anonymous sex was not much of a problem and he seemed to assume that if you kept one of them around was because you still fancied them and would easily succumb to sexual desire again.
So when you mix those two different approaches, add probably some level of self-confidence issues, some of my early uncertainty and some intercultural (East vs. West) differences you basically have good chances of problems coming up from time to time.
And so a few times we nearly broke up when he thought that either I wasn’t committed, would end up cheating on him or leave him once he was way too committed for a soft landing.
Luckily in each occasion, we spoke at length and resolved each case one by one. I won’t say it was easy and I thank my and his friends for giving us advice and their point of view. I think our relationship is now much stronger to the point we’ll very soon be living together too!
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