My addiction…

I have to admit it, it must be an addiction. I’m addicted to messaging

No, I don’t mean I’m in chat rooms talking to people I don’t know for hours on end, I don’t do that. I mean people that are already my friends

I spend my days hoping for messages, on my phone, on Facebook, anywhere… Any messages/pokes, etc on Facebook will also go to my mobile so I’ll know immediately.

My mobile is always with me, night and day, and I can’t but help checking it all the time to see if something has come in and I didn’t hear it or feel it.

It doesn’t matter what time of the day, you send me something late at night or early in the morning when I’m sleeping and if it wakes me up you’re 90% likely to get a response.

As a result I do send a lot and receive a lot of them. And as soon as I get something a reply goes immediately, it must look like I never have anything to do!

The problem is that in the same way I reply to everything immediately, I also expect everybody to reply immediately and if they don’t I just keep wondering why and permanently check my phone. Which of course can be a problem since lots of people can take hours to reply to a message.

Sometimes several conversations happen to join together and then it’s a non-stop job!

Some of my friends keep complaining when we’re down at the pub and I keep writing messages. I have to admit it’s kind of rude of me to do so, but I just can’t help it, I must keep the momentum.

It’s not that I keep bombarding people with messages one-way messages. Yes, I do start some of the conversations, but must be just about half. What I’m really hooked to is receiving them.

I’d need a psychoanalyst to tell me why. I suppose I sort of crave some attention on the one side, and on the other I want to keep warm all these people I regularly meet, you know, P, J, M, AN… and so goes the list.

So if you go out and see someone in a group constantly sending messages on his phone, chances are it’s me! Come and say hi, but I’ll deny all knowledge!

Spanish gay divas

When I was out recently in Gran Canaria on holiday I happen to come across a video of a Spanish singer I hadn’t heard for ages. Her name is Monica Naranjo (official site, MySpace) and was/is of the those gay divas that I used to hear everywhere in gay places, and everybody loved.

She sort of stopped releasing records for a while and the last big one was back in 2000. She was also pretty much limited to the Spanish market so I pretty much didn’t hear/see anything since I moved to London.

Looking at her videos it’s not surprising she was such a gay diva, or at least the videos are a result of it.

Video: Sobrevivire (I will survive)

So when I came back I did a bit of research and was happy to see she’s released a new album called Tarantula and there’s a new video out for her song Europa (see lyrics in Spanish) with some dark and apocalyptic undertones. The album quickly made it to number 1 on the Spanish charts so I hope she’s back for good.

Video: Europa

Bank holiday

Sometimes Bank Holidays are very exciting and sometimes, when all your friends go somewhere and there’s nobody’s left, they can be very boring. I can’t complain of mine.

On Friday I met R for one of our regular sessions. I was very keen since we hadn’t met for a couple of weeks between holidays and sickness. He has a very interesting demeanor, he’s very curious about everything and willing to learn. He reminds me of A in some ways, they have a similar peculiar way of reasoning. I’m now contemplating meeting him for non-sexual purposes, we’ve talked about having dinner some time. Things are beautifully uncomplicated with R, we are very complementary in bed and share the same fetish interest, and we can chat for a couple of hours without getting boring. But it all stops there, I worry that if we start going for dinners we may ruin that. Just the opposite of ruining a friendship by sleeping with a friend…

Saturday was, of course, a night for Eurovision. We went to a gay pub in Hampstead. The Spanish song was terrible, I had of course seen it before in youtube but watching it in the pub was a bit embarrassing. This was the first year the Spanish audience chose their representative, and they decided to make fun of it. Fine by me, it’s all it’s left of the whole thing, and it just makes it funnier.

On Sunday I was meeting J (Malaysian), we were meeting at Vauxhall to see what the I Love Vauxhall festival was all about – it didn’t amount to much really. The only excitement was when I was at the tube waiting for J and P (Thai) came up with a friend. We just said hi and usual niceties and off they went. 5 minutes later J called to say he was outside on the other side of the bridge so I went over just to cross P yet again! This time they were just 30 metres from each other and must have crossed. I was glad none noticed the other…

I recognised P’s friend from some of his pics on Facebook, some in the country and some abroad. I must find out who the mystery man is.

After the festival came a lovely dinner in Soho and then we went to a couple of bars before ending up at G-A-Y Late. The whole thing was very cosy, for long periods we were sitting on a sofa touching each other (not fondling!), and our faces were about 3 inches away a few times so I’m wondering whether he is more interested than he wanted to admit the first time we met.

He even got a bit jealous when returning from getting some drinks I stopped to chat to this guy I had exchanged smiles with earlier. I think this one’s Japanese and I’ll call him M. I had to excuse myself and told him I couldn’t do anything that night so we exchanged numbers. I’m looking forward to see him some other day when there’s no date waiting 5 metres away…

On Monday I almost met P when he texted me in the morning, unfortunately we couldn’t quite match our schedules so we had to give up. I had invited him to the theatre for the night but apparently he wasn’t interested, which made me think whether his interest may be fading. So I took J with me.

I still can’t quite read what P wants as he’s always. He can be a bit detached and passive, but then he talks about things we could do in the future. Last week he talked about buying some Thai ingredients to leave at my place so he can cook for me one of the days he’s around, that doesn’t sound short term and yet he’s still puzzling me. I’m starting to feel a bit attached and permanently hoping we’re going to meet soon (as long as I still have time for the others). Not sure that’s a good thing.

Pygmalion at the Old Vic was great, and so was the company. Afterwards we went for dinner and said goodbye. Interesting thing about J; he’s not out to his family or at work (he’s a banker), he even told me how he goes to the strip clubs and puts bank notes on the strippers’ few clothes. He’s a bit worried that someone at work could find out, even any possible gay colleagues! So we couldn’t kiss goodbye just in case some of his colleagues, that happened to live in the area, saw him. And that’s coming from someone who is as sweet as candy and was using make up!

It’s sad that there’s still people who have to hide their sexuality. In many cases it’s probably an unfounded fear, but you never know, so still happens far too often. Makes me think how lucky I’ve been with family and work.

Oh, AR texted again to meet today at a sauna. I do want to meet the guy, but he keeps doing it last minute when I’m not in the mood, so had to say no again… Should pre-empt it next time and plan it for next time.

What will be…

It’s been a week since I came back from holidays now. Why is it that everytime the sun shines in London I happen to be abroad?

I was keen to meet P (Thai guy) so one of the first things I did on my come back was texting him. He came on Monday night, we had dinner, watched TV and then went to bed, both being quite tired we just went to sleep. Waking up in the morning next to him was nice, and there was enough time for some good morning sex. I love it first thing when you’re still half asleep and waking up. I also love cuddling him, could do it for hours on end.

Next day I was knackered. I think I’ve spent too much time sleeping on my own, somehow I can’t sleep too well with someone else, partly because there’s something different in the bed, but also because I like to enjoy the moment so I end up spending more time being aware of it than simply sleeping.  In any case, much better than not sleeping because someone is snoring!

He texted me in the afternoon and suggesting coming over as well rather than being home bored. Of course I readily said yes. Well, that’s two nights in a row… this time we went to sleep early, I was in desperate need of sleep and he had to go to work especially early in the morning, so there was no time for much. In the morning he wake me up and kissed me goodbye. What better way of waking up?

There are a couple of things that puzzle me. One is he doesn’t seem to be much of a kisser, I don’t mean he isn’t good at kissing. He just doesn’t seem to kiss in the lips, not even when having sex. Just the first time we had it, the rest have been closed-lip kisses. Not sure whether that has any meaning or just happens to be the way he is.

He’s also quite passive, he let’s me do, and I can see he’s enjoying it and can actually get quite pushy once we’ve started, but he doesn’t seem to start it and that confuses me. I wish he took the initiative more.

On Saturday I finally met J (the Malaysian guy). We met at Costa in Soho and ended up spending 3 hours chating. He’s a very sweet guy although he discarded sex because we both take the same role… shame, but I’m not giving up! Look forward to seeing more of him, even as just a friend. I felt terrible when P called mid-way to see if I was around and I had to say I couldn’t.

And here is where I’m unsure. On the one side I should be quite happy with P, a part of me wants a relationship to develop and I’d like to see him all the time. But another part of me doesn’t want to stop seeing the others. Not sure whether this is a bit of “kid on a candy store” syndrome, or I’m just not ready to go exclusive again – after all I did it for 9 years.

One the one side I like the idea of cuddly evenings in the sofa or bed with someone sweet like P, but I also like the experimentation and the sense of hunt that the others provide. For the time being I hope things with P continue their course and we keep seeing each other romantically but it doesn’t develop into something exclusive, not until I know what I want. Maybe he’s thinking the same things as me… Who knows what will be.

Well, hello… you two!

Back from my trip to Gran Canaria during the Gay Pride. I thought I just tell one story that happened to me the last night.

On the last night we had to return to the airport at 3am since we had an early flight. Some of the guys had returned a couple of hours earlier and the ones left were too tired to go out after a week of going out nightly. But since sleeping just a couple of hours wasn’t gonna help I thought I’d spend the time around the Yumbo Centre were they had a show on.

So I arrived there and stood to watch from a balcony. There was a blond guy there, around my age and quite cute, which was an added attraction although not the reason for choosing the spot, after all I had just a couple of hours before leaving. Besides AN’s (girl)friend was sleeping in my room in case he got a visit from the Spanish guy he’d pulled a couple of nights before.

Very quickly the guy started making signs of being interested, looking at me all the time while smiling. I kind of mostly ignored him but since I was enjoying the attention I did give him a couple of looks too. So there I was deciding if I was interested in taking it forward given the limitations of time and space.

Slowly he got even closer and more obvious with constant looks. So I thought we may still be able to do something… but then this other friend of his arrived. First he was just there and exchanged a couple of words. Then they french-kissed. All of this while his attention was not diminishing but growing and he even started touching me!

So I now was facing a different decision, would I go with both of them? Trying to make up my mind while looking at the show and fireworks I ended up thinking that I may depending on the circumstances, what the heck, it was my last night!

Then the show and fireworks ended and by this time his arm was over my shoulder and he kissed me a couple of times.

Then he helped me make up my mind, he suggested going the three of us to the toilettes! and starting moving making me signs to follow. Had he wanted to go to their hotel I would have followed.

Unfortunately, this lady is not for toilettes!

Things are getting busy…

It’s been a couple of weeks since my last post and so much has been going on!

So where to start… first thing is I met this Chinese guy (let’s say R) through a website that specialises in a fetish I’ve mentioned here before. It all went very well and we’ve been meeting every week. It’s really been very good and have been exchanging messages all the time, and the best of all is that it’s perfectly uncomplicated. He’s also very sweet and nice to have around so I count myself lucky! Can’t wait to the next time we meet.

On Saturday there was something completely unexpected though. One of my best friends in London couldn’t get into his flat so since I live nearby he came over for the night. Perfectly normal so far… of course, I just have one bed so we shared it. Very quickly he got very cosy and touchy… but that was all. I was really in two minds, he’s a very good friend and I see him every weekend once or twice, and having sex could potentially mess things up. So I didn’t take any initiative and let him decide where it would end… then in the morning touchy turned into sex! Hope things will continue as normal. One thing is for sure, I am not ever entering into a relationship with someone that snores at night!

And then back to P (Thai guy I mentioned in my last update). After a failed attempt we had a proper date last Friday. I took him to my favourite restaurant in town and then we went to see a film. It all went very well and he seemed interested but things didn’t get very touchy so I wasn’t sure how far he’d like to go. In any case, after cinema we just kissed goodbye and agreed to meet up this week but this time I’d be cooking.

So P came a couple of days ago after a last minute cancellation on his part and a change of mind an hour later! Anyway, we had dinner and then watched some TV in the sofa. Like on Friday I wasn’t sure what exactly he was interested in. A couple of times I got closer and he sort of kept the distance. But then it was getting late and he didn’t seem to have much intention to leave… so when it was already kind of late he lied on the sofa an put his legs on mine, which I then took as a go ahead to start caressing him, which I did for a while until we finally went to bed. There we finally had sex after a while of gentle caressing. I was so glad to share the bed with him, just wanted to hug him all the time!

In the morning we took a while to get out of bed, a time I really enjoyed. He’s such a nice sweet guy, although he seems to completely leave me to take the initiative, something I find a bit confusing since it’s difficult to know what to do or how far to go when you’re not getting much feedback. We should be meeting again when I’m back from holidays with AN after next week, something I’m really looking forward to!

Funnily, on Tuesday I also heard from AR, I hadn’t heard from him for a while. He texted me to meet at a sauna in Vauxhall, which I declined a) because I don’t really fancy saunas, and b) because I already had a date with P!

As if all of this wasn’t enough, there’s also this other guy I’ve been messaging with for a while. He’s from Malaysia, 27, and I’ll call him J (will probably need a dictionary soon). All of the sudden he has become a lot more interested and starting asking for pictures of me in my speedos, which I gladly provided… well, we should be meeting after my break too. No idea what’s the plan there but I’m starting to use up all the days of the week for regular dates/meetings! He seems like a nice sweet guy so who knows what may happen.

I’ll tell you more about the beach holidays with AN on my return. As I’ve said before these days we’re just friends, but he did say he does get carried away and we’re sharing apartment for 3 days of the week.

It’s funny, when I look at myself some months ago I wasn’t even contemplating dating, now my main problem is finding the days! Looking at last week I can count sex with 4 different people plus a normal date! (yes I didn’t count incorrectly, I just didn’t describe all). It makes me wonder why is it that I’m seeing all these people? Probably the obvious answers are “because I can” and “life is too short”, maybe I’m just trying to prove something to myself, or maybe it’s just a way of not being home on my own. Perhaps after a very long term relationship I’m just doing all the things I didn’t do in my twenties…

Although I don’t discard a serious relationship developing from one of these dates, a big part of me doesn’t want to stop seeing the others. Maybe I’ll soon need to start asking Gay Banker for advice on how to have several boyfriends at the same time!

Update on the extreme pornography law

Here is an update posted somewhere else on the extreme pornography law that the goverment was trying to pass, some changes in the right direction at least:

There had been an amendment to scrap the four definitions of extreme and replace it by saying anything breaking the Obscene Publications Act of 1959 would be illegal. This was defeated last night by 134 to 91. The Labour Peer, Lord Hunt, had said they had initially looked into this but rejected it as it would have been wide and encompassing way too much and said specifically watersports and shit on chest.

Lord Hunt also said that they would issue full guidelines to the police and courts before any action against those possessiong extreme porn could be prosecuted saying “I also give an assurance that this offence will not be commenced before a full explanation of it is given to the police and to the courts.”

For those who want some heavy reading here is the full text of the debate:

http://www.publications.parliament….

And, as it stands, the law will define extreme as:

(a) falls within subsection (7), and

(b) is grossly offensive, disgusting or otherwise of an obscene character.

(7) An image falls within this subsection if it portrays, in an explicit and realistic way, any of the following—

(a) an act which threatens a person’s life,

(b) an act which results, or is likely to result, in serious injury to a person’s anus, breasts or genitals,

(c) an act which involves sexual interference with a human corpse, or

(d) a person performing an act of intercourse or oral sex with an animal (whether dead or alive),

and a reasonable person looking at the image would think that any such person or animal was real.

It now goes back to the Commons for “ping-pong” and should become law by this time enxt week.