Look who I found

JF was at a wedding party so when I got a couple of free tickets for a movie I invited L. But he pulled off just a few hours before we were supposed to meet, apparently because someone’s wedding – coincidence.

So I asked DL along. He’s a Malaysian guy I met recently a couple of times. I had mixed feelings, he had recently asked to meet for some fun but I declined it, I told him I wanted to stick being friends as I was dating JF; he seemed cool about it.

We agreed to meet and while I was queuing for my fix of popcorn I saw EH arrive with a guy. My heart started pumping very far. I had not seen or spoken to him since I found he had a boyfriend and even then it was through text messages.

Since then I had moved on but a few times I wondered about him, I did miss him. Seeing him again brought back all sorts of feelings. It brought back memories of sweet moments with him mixed with some subdued anger.

He wasn’t alone, he was with his boyfriend. I know his boyfriend found out but I don’t know if he knows who I am.

He walked past about 2 metres away from me while they were going to the toilette and I didn’t try to call him. I thought maybe I wouldn’t see him again in the evening but shortly after he returned and this time he saw me.

He came to me with a big smile. No kisses. We spoke briefly about how long it had been since the last time. He kept saying how nice it was to see me again and finally gave me a hug. More memories crossed like a flash.

I asked him if he’d been to China. When he last spoke he was wondering whether to go or stay and try to patch things up. He told me he did for much longer than planned and only had returned at the end of August.

Then his bf returned and took him with him into the cinema.

Gosh. I wasn’t expecting that.

I didn’t see him on my way out after the cinema. I did look for him. Still curious and kind of hoping to see him, still full of mixed feelings.

Then DL and I went out for a walk around chatting along the way. After half an hour it was time to call it a day. DL asked if he should take a bus home or whether I wanted him to follow me home.

I told him I thought it was best to get the bus. I would have liked him to come. But I have decided I will only have sex with JF even though in the past that wouldn’t have stopped me.

I am still unsure about JF, not sure about my feelings for him, or more exactly how deep they are. I think sleeping with other guys is not going to help me figure that out, best to stick to one until I am sure.

Sleeping with new (or other) people would only keep me unfocused and I may miss a chance of developing something deeper. It’s easy to get distracted when multiple people are on my radar.

Or at least I’m going to try differently this time. Maybe it will work; maybe it will help me develop something more meaningful with JF. But maybe, if I am still looking at others is because JF is not really the one. We will see, I’ll be more patient this time.

Slowly warming up?

I’ve seen JF a few times since I wrote about him. I mentioned I had to tell him I couldn’t see him while D was visiting in London but after D’s insistence I managed to have coffee with him. I have to say it felt a bit strange seeing JF while D was still in London though.

On my return from Paris, where I spent a few days with D, I met JF again on Friday. He stayed over until the next day when I had to leave for badminton. Then on Sunday I got to introduce him to my friend C and husband. It was Soho Live and the Thames Festival so it was the perfect social occasion.

We walked around what was Soho Pride in all but name and then had dinner near Chinatown. After that we went to see the Thames Festival parade, which was better than expected. I’d even say it was more enjoyable than Notting Hill Carnival, quite visually appealing and without the big crowds.

When the parade was over we took positions by the river to watch the fireworks. Not too long but quite nice. Quite from the beginning JF took my arms to wrap himself in them, it was quite romantic hugging him while watching the show.

After the fireworks it was time to say goodbye though. JF was off on holiday mid week to Eastern Europe and we wouldn’t be able to see each other for a week.

I was still not sure what my feelings for JF were though. I like him and we get along but there were no butterflies… I seem to get butterflies only for impossible guys like H.

The next weekend I went out with friends and had a great time. On Sunday I was at home in the evening and started chatting with a Malaysian guy that I’ve met a couple of times before. I mentioned him before as a potential friend. But somehow this time I ended up agreeing to something more intimate and he came around. I think I was feeling a bit lonely and needed a cuddle. Afterwards, when we were lying in bed I thought about JF though, I thought I should be doing that with him instead.

JF was back earlier this week. I texted him to welcome him back and during our message exchange I mentioned I couldn’t wait to Friday to see him. He called me a couple of minutes later and proposed coming over the next day.

It was nice seeing him, I cooked dinner and then we chatted and cuddled in the sofa for the rest of the evening until things warmed up and we went to bed. He left in the morning straight to work.

He’s coming again tonight but this time he’ll be cooking a Malaysian dish for me, I can’t wait. Hopefully I’ll see him again during the weekend. I think I may we warming up to him.

Double standards

It’s common knowledge that people apply different standards to others than to themselves. This was obvious last week when L was agonising over the guy he’s been dating lately.

One of this friends told him he knew the guy from some time ago. Apparently a few years ago he used to sleep with a few people and had even slept with his friend.

So L was now thinking the guy is just as slut and nothing is going to come out of it at all.

Fine, except a) that was some years ago, b) everyone has some history behind and c) how can he think he has no potential because the guy slept with a few people in the past when he sleeps with people too.

Let me expand on that, after L met the new guy and went of several dates with him, he still wanted to have sex with me. Not only did he want to but he actually had it!

So when he called me to tell me all his doubts I reminded him that if the guy should be disqualified because of that, shouldn’t he be disqualified for anyone else too? After all not only he had slept with other people, he had slept with me after meeting the guy! But obviously the answer was he’s different.

And still after that conversation and his continuous struggles on whether the guy is or is not serious he still wanted to have sex again. This time though, I made my excuses.

Although I cannot discard it happening again in the future, I think we may have crossed a line. Some time ago when we dated it was fine, then he found someone and we turned just friends.

So when we met last time I did find it a bit strange, not so comfortable with it anymore. Especially when I was supposed to be “mean”, even though it’s just role-play…

Oh, and I do need to stop sleeping with the wrong people all the time.

Crazy bank holiday

Picture by Norm Yip

Well, that was a crazy bank holiday weekend… Some good things came out of it.
On Friday I was supposed to meet a Thai guy coming to London for the weekend but he couldn’t make it in the end. Almost at the same time I got a message from a guy I was supposed to have a date with a few weeks ago.

Last time he cancelled the day before. Apparently, he had been to the hairdresser and something had gone horribly wrong so he didn’t want me to see him yet. Then after a few more messages, we lost contact.

He had just gone again and this time his haircut was good enough for public exposure and wanted to meet. So I agreed to meet him for dinner.

We got in touch after the EH incident, at the time I thought I should up the age range a bit to find a bit more stability in my dates. JF is 30, from Malaysia and has been living here for quite a while.

We went to a Japanese restaurant in town and had a nice time. We got on well. Conversation was easy but didn’t totally flow. When we finished we started walking towards Soho talking about what we could do, I suggested a drink. He agreed but said he wouldn’t drink himself. So we were wondering what to do instead and listing possibilities when going home came up; as soon as I said that his answer was “is that an invitation?”.

So home we went. Although shy the guy clearly knows what he wants and just needs to be given a bit of a chance to ask for it. I later found he had brought his toiletries bag with him so clearly he had it quite clear in his mind.
Soon after arriving home we were kissing in the sofa and very soon after we moved on to the bedroom…

He left after noon at the same time as me. I was meeting a guy I’ve been chatting online with to go sunbathing in Hampstead Heath. This one is for friends and we had a good relaxed afternoon before dinner time.

The plan for the night was meeting LO to go to Matinée. A couple of days ago the guy I met the day before my trip to Barcelona contacted me and asked if I wanted to go there as well so I invited him to join us. I wanted to make LO a bit jealous, and I think it worked. As soon as the guy and I arrived to meet LO he was all over me, more than usual.

Not that the other guy was going to let that happen so easily so it was fun to get the attention from both all night. At the end of the night I was talking to LO when he asked if I wanted to go to his place, I wasn’t sure whether he was just teasing again but I quickly answered he was too tired for that.

Matinée was great fun, although it was ridiculous we had to queue for an hour just to leave our jackets in the cloakroom, I mean, it can’t be that hard to organise that a bit better, can it?

Anyway, it was a long fun night and ended up with each of us going home only when the tube reopened.

The next day I spent sleeping. But in the evening I met the Thai guy I couldn’t see on Friday. We met for dinner at a semi-local and then back home where he spent the night. Nice guy but he lives in Leeds so I could only see him from time to time, and I am not planning excursions up north to visit him.

Monday was a bit more relaxed. It was time for coffees. I met yet another new guy I’d chatted recently. I see this one as a potential friend but I think he may be looking for a bit more. He did suggest I may give him some very “private” Spanish lessons.

After coffee, I met JF again for dinner. Just as on Friday we had a nice time and got to know him a bit better. When we finished he asked to come home for a cuddle. I had to say no, the weekend had left me exhausted and I needed to do some cleaning up and laundry – D was coming next day from Singapore! I’ve been looking forward to that for so long.

Before saying goodbye JF asked if he could see me this week, but I’m going to be busy. He seems like a good guy and keen on me, I think he has some good potential so you will be reading more about him soon – I hope.

D will be staying home this week, shame I have to work. We’re going to Paris on Saturday and I’ll be coming back on Wednesday morning while he goes to his final destination where he’s going to spend the rest of the year: Prague.

Weekend wrap up

The weekend had started great on Friday meeting AY. The rest of the weekend was quite busy.

On Saturday J invited me to his new place where he recently moved with his boyfriend. Since I rarely get to see him these days I agreed to go even though I was also supposed to meet L for dinner. So I met J and company for copious amounts of wine and some pizza. After which I rushed into Soho to meet L at a Korean restaurant for a second dinner.

We had a nice chat over dinner as usual, which included some sort of Korean liquor I felt compelled to keep drinking. He told me about a date he was going to have the next day and even showed me his gaydar pictures. You’ll see why this is relevant later…

After dinner L was unsure whether he wanted to go out or not when me met LO walking down the street with two white guys. The two were a couple on holiday for the weekend, didn’t bother to ask any more questions. We all decided to have a drink at Village.

As it seems to be the norm, LO was flirting with the two guys who were obviously planning more than just drinks. L and I watched how he sit between the two, one hand on each guy’s leg and at some point his foot on mine… He even kissed one of them briefly.

When Village closed L went home while the two guys were going back to their hotel hoping to take LO along, who unsurprisingly chickened out and said goodbye to both. As usual. We then headed for Heaven to spend the rest of the night.

In Heaven I saw a guy I’d been exchanging messages on Fridae, we had recognised each other before but never said hi until I decided to send him a message. We had a brief hello and he moved on, probably thinking I was with LO, which would be easy to believe.

Funny when I go out with LO and he is in the mood to be all over me – as opposed to anyone else – I get more attention and looks from people but then, of course, they all think we’re together so nothing happens… Anyway, I was quite tipsy and just wanted to dance and enjoy the night and not pull somebody.

Funnily enough when we got into Heaven I found a guy from badminton I was planning to date the following day! He’s a really hot police officer I had met on gaydar before he turned up to badminton one day…

Now, here is the twist. If you remember last time I was out with LO he brought along another guy. Now that guy is the ex of the policeman I was dating the following day! To top it up I recognised among his friend L’s Sunday date while I would be out with his friend! To complicate it even more think I was with LO who is the ex of the guy that was dating EH at the same time as me… OK, stop, this is depressing.

It really shows how small the world is, at least the gay world, which then gets limited to the subgroup of Asians and western guys who date each other. I decided to start drawing a diagram with all the links. My god, that was more complicated than a spider web, scary when you think you have sex with one and you have had sex with everyone else “by proxy”…

And this is in a city which including surroundings has a population of 12 million! What would happen back in Barcelona with just 3 and much less floating population?

OK, back to the story. The officer left early and his Spanish friend disappeared with the rest so I spent the rest of the night having a great time dancing. Good, because I didn’t want him seeing LO and us dancing closely together.

Next day after badminton, I finally met the police officer. Unfortunately the dinner had to be converted into coffee as he was quite tired. Nice guy, we had a nice chat for a while and it’s always refreshing when your date tells you he actually reads books rather than “I only read magazines”. He now has an uninterrupted shift of days, often in the evenings, which isn’t exactly convenient. I’ll have to wait

Once he left I texted the guy I had briefly said hi the night before as I knew he was around. We met for (my second) coffee and then walked around. Quite nice guy, hope I’ll see him more often. I’m thinking he could make a nice friend.

Agony aunt gets her hands dirty

After years of relationship it’s easy to fall into a routine, you start to do less and less, sex starts to become a rare event and once you stop doing those things it’s hard to pick up again.

I know that from personal experience and have seen it in other people. My advice to anyone is always to make sure you don’t leave it till too late to fix it before it just becomes impossible. As soon as you see the signs, act on them!

Something similar happened to a guy I met last week, AY. He’d been in a relationship for 6 years since he was 19. At some point sex started to be scarcer and they fell very much into a routine. At the same time, they weren’t going out much and were just living a homely life, which may be fine when you’re in your 50s but when you’re in your 20s sooner or later there’s going to be some unrest.

Unsurprisingly at some point AY started to feel he was missing out on many things and then thought about looking elsewhere.

He did the right thing and discussed his feelings with his boyfriend, who then encouraged him to go out make new friends, hang out and even have sex with them. They even took his old faceless Fridae profile and updated it with pictures together.

So last week AY sent me a heart and we started messaging each other first and then chatting. Although his profile said he was single he very quickly let me know he had a boyfriend and what he was looking for, namely friends to hang out and some fun.

I liked him being straightforward about it, unlike EH who forgot to mention his boyfriend. I have no problems when people are honest with me, I may or may not do something with them but I can make an informed decision and set my expectations at the right level.

We quickly agreed to meet on Friday night. We had dinner in Soho and then headed to Village for drinks. We got on quite well and talked about many things including his relationship, what he was lacking and what he did have, the decision to open up to others to compensate for what he missed and how his boyfriend supported him but didn’t want to do the same himself (he was apparently the one tired and settling down into the routine).

At some point he suggested we could go to my place and off we went. He clearly knew what he wanted, and very soon after sitting down in the sofa we were kissing. Then off went our tops and when flyer buttons started to open up we moved on to the bedroom.

As you can imagine from someone who hadn’t had sex for 5 months he was really up for it and I really liked what I saw so we had a great time in bed.

After we had finished and we were cuddling in bed, he confessed he was having contradictory feelings. He suddenly was missing his boyfriend and for as much as he enjoyed the sex he wasn’t feeling quite as he thought he would.

It’s easy to think rationally about going into an open relationship but it’s not something everyone can do in practice. Once you start, you may develop some guilt feelings, like you shouldn’t be doing what you’re doing. And AY fell into this category. He admitted it was probably not for him and after a bit more cuddling I walked him to the bus stop to go back home.

The next day we chatted again, he had decided it was indeed not something for him but he still wanted friends to go out and hang out, just not the sex. Shame because I was looking forward to the next time, but I knew it was touch and go anyway.

Interestingly enough his boyfriend confessed to him he had felt a bit jealous and decided he’d have a profile too, which they both created together, his main profile picture being a nice bubble butt…

AY told me his boyfriend’s profile name and since he looked rather cute I sent him a heart. Later on, I got one back…

If they feel guilty going on their own maybe what they need is adding a third? What would agony aunt say or rather do? I know right.

A third person, again

Quick weekend update. C and his husband had arranged meeting up on Saturday with LO so I went along. I’ve posted about the several dates we’ve had lately.

So the first surprise of the night was when I arrived at Kudos to find him seated next to one of the guys from badminton. Shouldn’t mean much except the guy is the typical guy LO would go for and he had his hand on his friend’s leg, which he quickly took off after seeing me.

Umm, I had a bit of déjà vu feeling, last time a “friend” of LO appeared he turned up to be his boyfriend (small detail he hadn’t mentioned). Anyway, I sat down with them waiting for C just as normal.

Not much went on, as usual LO tends to be a bit touchy with people, although this seems to be a bit indiscriminate, well, it is if you’re white and over 35 anyway.

We later went to Heaven and for a while there wasn’t too much to worry about. Until at some point LO got touchier with his new friend and ended up kissing him right in front of me. Right, OK, interesting. Not too shocked given my experience with him but yes a bit surprising. After all we’d been in a few dates recently and we hardly had a moment when we weren’t either holding hands or some part of his body was on some part of mine.

I was more surprised he’d do that in front of me than anything else. But anyway, nothing another drink didn’t sort out.

I bit later C was busy trying to find me someone to make LO jealous in return. Not that I cared really. So he mentioned a Chinese guy that was standing on his own not too far. I said he looked ok and before I could do anything he sent his husband to ask for his number. Even worse, the guy said no and LO was watching the whole episode and made a joke about it, WTF. Great, things could not get better…

At some point we all left together. C and husband went their own way first and next LO told his friend to go get a taxi at the station for himself. As soon as he went to do so he jumped on my back to piggyback on me while the guy was still seeing us walk away. A bit later LO went his way and I mine with a good night lip kiss.

I think I am by now getting what LO is about. The guy just likes the attention and flirting with everyone without meaning much to him. Fine by me, at least I now know what he’s after.

The twist came the next day at badminton. LO’s friend was there too and TL duly informed me he’s the ex of a guy I am going to date as soon as we both find a time when we’re both free. Call it sweet “revenge”.

Small world, scarily small.

Barcelona revisited

Back from a fantastic weekend in Barcelona. I love the city and this trip reminded me how much so. For the first time I did not stay at my parents’. I went with a couple of friends for the Circuit Festival and used it as an excuse to stay with them instead.

I had the chance to party and visit a few places I wouldn’t normally go on my own when I visit. I have to admit last time I went out to a gay club un Barcelona was about 10 years ago when I still lived there. Going to the beach and later walking along it also brought me back a few years. London has a lot to offer but beach and great weather are not really it.

There was one thing that was quite obvious though. The source of immigration in Spain is completely different that to the UK. I hardly saw any Asian guys.

I knew that and I confirmed it when I searched a few sites looking for Asian guys in Barcelona. Hardly any. But I did manage to find a couple of potentials, although I was mainly interested in one of them.

I met him the first night, I’ll call him HC. He’s Chinese and after a couple of years living elsewhere in Europe he moved to Barcelona with his company. We got along well and together with my London friends we went to a bar and then to one of the local clubs: Metro, gosh, I hadn’t been in the pace for over 10 years!

I only saw one guy I liked there, quite cute Asian guy who was smiling at me. But then I was already with someone… and happy for it.

We danced for a while and at some point I thought it was time to start testing the waters so I got closer while dancing and started touching him a lot more. He seemed to like it and did the same in return. At some point we got really close and he hugged me for a bit, cheek to cheek and I slowly moved to kiss him on his lips. He didn’t seem to be big on kissing but responded well.

Soon after he asked to go outside to get some fresh air. The one thing I don’t like of Spanish clubs is that you’re allowed to smoke, so the air gets quite loaded… and the clothes stink the next day. I had forgotten that.

When we were outside he said he was tired so I asked him if he wanted to leave. He did, so I asked him to come with me to the hotel. After about 2 seconds of false hesitation, he agreed to.

So we had a nice walk and chat back to the hotel. The good thing of hotels is that they rarely have a sofa so you sit on the bed, which nicely leads to a horizontal position, and that’s how we were very soon; kissing and undressing each other…

After sex we had a long shower together. There is something so sexy about sharing a shower with someone, and the one in the hotel was larger than my entire bathroom… Then we went back to bed to cuddle up till the next morning.

Unfortunately he had a couple of friends visiting him from abroad that weekend so we didn’t have a chance to meet again.

We have chatted a few times since. He’s always very sweet and he says he is planning to visit London later this year. Because of the distance, I don’t think much could happen between us but it will be nice to have someone to meet when I go back to Barcelona. And I don’t mean it in a sexual way, after so many years I don’t have many friends left there, and the ones I have are married with kids… not great fun.

I really look forward to meeting him again.

Two completely different days

Long time ago a guy from Taiwan contacted me to say he was coming to London and asked me if I wanted to meet. We chatted and finally agreed to. He finally came last week and we agreed to meet one evening.

But last minute he told me he was with his straight friend who didn’t know he was gay and asked me to stay around for a bit while he was getting rid of him. Since I was in Soho already I went into Cafe Nero to have a coffee and chat a bit…

I was quite entertained, at some point I was having 5 conversations with different people on messenger so I had no chance to get bored. But when I noticed it was an hour already I called the guy but just went into voicemail.

So I left and sent him a message saying I had been waiting for an hour… only 40 minutes later I got a message saying his phone had run out of battery and his friend wouldn’t leave. He also suggested that we could meet another day. Surely not, honey!

One of the guys I’d been chatting with offered to meet instead but it was already a bit late and decided it was best just to go home. We “met” on Fridae and had exchanged some messages and started to chat on msn. He’s Chinese Malaysian, 24, and has been in London for less than 6 months. When I got home he wanted to turn the cam on, so I did.

First impression was the guy didn’t quite look like his profile pictures, but he still seemed fine so I wasn’t too bothered.

Next day I was getting home to pack my stuff for a long weekend in Barcelona for the Circuit Festival when he said hi on MSN. He told me he was lonely and wanted to meet that evening. I told him I was going to be packing but he insisted… apparently he was very keen to meet me before my trip.

In the end I agreed but told him I would be doing my stuff and wouldn’t be able to pay much attention but he was ok with it. So fine, against all logic I agreed.

He arrived about half an hour later. He still looked a bit different to the cam (how do you manage that?) but fine. As I had told him I started packing my stuff while he was sitting on the sofa. He started re-folding all my clothes and helped me preparing the suitcase.

When I finished he gave me a back massage, which was very welcome! We then chatted a bit comfortably seated in the sofa. I didn’t take any initiative as I only had a chat in mind.

Very quickly he got closer and closer and before long he kissed me. From there followed more kisses and when clothes started to come off I suggested we move to the bedroom where we had a lot more fun…

Once we finished we had a shower and then said goodbye. I would normally offer someone to stay over but I still had to check I had everything and take an early flight in the morning.

To be honest, I wasn’t really planning to have sex. I mean, it was a possibility but given I was going to be packing and that he had never mentioned sex before, I didn’t quite expect him to be up for it, or at least not so quickly. I didn’t push for it but when he did, well, I couldn’t say no…

Before he left he did ask a few times whether I’d contact him on my return and that he hoped so…

To be honest, next morning when on my way to Barcelona I couldn’t but feel sad about the whole thing. I shouldn’t have done it, it just made me feel lonelier and his repeated requests to contact him again on my return just didn’t help. And yes, I can actually hear some of you shouting…

We had a brief chat after my return but he hasn’t been online since.

More holidays!

Nice! another holiday booked. This weekend I’m off to Barcelona for the Circuit Festival. For those of you not familiar with it it’s basically a week-long gay festival with plenty of clubbing events, beach parties and even a big one at a water park which I will regretfully miss.

It will be good to finally get some sun, party a bit and go to a nude beach, Hampstead Heath’s nude area is really not the same – and that’s assuming you get a sunny weekend in London!

I also booked myself for a trip to Paris. D is coming to London in September on his way to Prague and is going to Paris as well. I’ve only been there once for a Pride and after some holiday dates juggling I managed to get some days. So after half a week of him staying over we’ll go to Paris. I am so looking forward to it!

Next will be Prague, hopefully in early October and then my two-week Asian trip.

I should start planning where to go in Asia… my first option is something like BKK, Chiang Mail, Vietnam and Cambodia and the second is HK, Guangzhou, Taiwan and something like Shanghai.

Suggestions?