Always on my mind

As you will have seen from my last posts I’ve been rather busy dating people. And yet H is always in my mind. The picture he gave me for my birthday with both of us in is still next to my bed. And rather than taking it off all I’ve actually thought of framing it a couple of times.

After his visit before Christmas we were both coping better than the previous time. But there have been a few times when it’s obvious he hasn’t really had such a good time. It is now about a month since he left and I can still detect he’s trying to get over it and that saddens me.

I wish things were different and the circumstances allowed us to be together but they’re not and I must be realistic. I can neither let go completely nor do any progress with him.

This week, despite how busy it was, I was still feeling lonely some times, wishing it was him who I was seeing and who would spend the night with me, every day.
I don’t know when I’ll see him again, and I am also not sure whether that is a good idea. For all I miss him, I am afraid of him getting hurt and that’s the last thing I want.